Facing Fears in Malaysia
Facing Fears in Malaysia
I always feel at my best when I am able to find fun in whatever I’m doing. Lately it’s been such a task for me to do so because of the demands of work, life and constant change that I’ve endured for over 1 year now. Imagine waking up one day and your life is just totally different, that’s how I feel almost every day. Most of the times I’m grateful for the blessings God has placed in my life, but I’d be lying if I said that it didn’t come with its set of responsibilities, pressure and full on adulting woes. Fast forward to our trip to KL, I wanted to enjoy the extended holiday of Lunar new year and take some time to have fun!
While in KL, my hubby and I chose to walk to the Petronas towers. Now most of the time I walk straight past the locals who are looking for a come up, but this time we entertained a local photographer who was ready to take our photos!
He started snapping photos like a pro, and even gave me so much direction when it came to posing. I'm not particularly photogenic and have been told my rbf is strong so this was huge for me. I wasn’t expecting a full blown photoshoot, and yes we were coincidentally ripped off after entering the conversion wrong but I didn’t care because he had me looking fly and feeling good. $150 well spent for a boost of confidence, and leaving with photos I will cherish forever. Nasir the photographer, had that jenosais qa to get his money up and for that, I couldn’t knock him lol.
That small moment led to a decision to go to the Batu Caves. The Batu Caves is one of the most largest and popular Hindu cave full of temples and shrines dedicated to their god of war. I wanted to climb 272 stairs and massage my fear of heights. Back history: I used to climb Stone Mountain so that I could feel more comfortable being so far up in the sky. The problem for me isn’t the journey up, it’s the views on the way back down. What an analogy for my life. Always a person who’s looking forward and hate to look back as it’s usually such a crippling mental battle. The Batu Caves was beautiful, colorful, sacred, and ancient. The monkeys were bold and it was the first time I had been anywhere that had animals just out and about, I loved it as I’m a nature fan.
I used to think that doing anything had to be perfect. It had to be the best it could ever get on the first time. Conquering fears though, isn’t always picture perfect. On the walk down, my vision got blurry and my legs started locking up. The stairs shifted from larger to smaller and I felt like I would tumble to my death. Somehow my body took over and my mind gave out. I instantly sat down on the stairs, couldn’t take, couldn’t see the stairs and freaked out. I had a mini mental breakdown all because of my fear of heights. The confidence I had went plummeting down. I managed to scoot to the side handrail. Afterwards,I got up, yelled out of anger and got to the bottom one step at a time, one foot in front of the other, one breath at a time. It wasn’t pretty, it was emotional, but I did it!
I gained confidence, lost it, and gained a little back just like that. KL did a number on me, but I survived and am currently in Hoi Chi Minh, Vietnam inspired to write. Not perfect, but gaining confidence everyday to live authentically in who I am and making space for who I grow to be.
